This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
