im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize