Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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