I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He shit in the fireplace
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
