My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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