cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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