I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
