I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
