Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
