Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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