That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
