my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb