well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.