Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
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He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.