I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go