Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting