I faked an abortion last night.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
