You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
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I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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