we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
