my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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