Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
