My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
