dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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