Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
