what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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