Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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