Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
