i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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