forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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