i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
