i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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