There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
