Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
