How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
