I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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