I can tuck mytits in my pants
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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