So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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