She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
