i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
