my phone needs a breathalizer
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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