Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
