She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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