Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
