under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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