He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
