you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
