1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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