i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
