omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
