No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
