i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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