You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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