I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize