I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We left the knife in your bed.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
