u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.