If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.