Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
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We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying