dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
