Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that