dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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