do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
