So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just forgot I was standing up.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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