put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?