I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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