I cut my penus on the lid.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
