My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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