**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
