Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
