The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
