pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
