i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
