Yo dont text me then not text me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
