Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
