It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Someone came in the potted fern
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
