I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
