not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The best revenge is premature balding
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
