so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
