omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
