Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
