So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
