You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
