She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
