my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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