So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
