I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He? As in you personified your dick?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
