i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
