So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
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ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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