don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
