Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
